Work, work, and work is what I can describe how I endure this whole week for spending more than 50 hours on work, not because of money, it’s because that I don’t want to stay home any minute. Whenever I wake up, the only thing is able to remind in my mind, neither checking how many people visit my 360 degree page nor going on line to have a little chat, that how am I drive fast enough to my company to keep up on time. Getting back home at midnight plus some hours to check on my email-box driving me nut totally that I’ve never spoken or said a word to my family or my friends. Sometime I wonder whether people’s lives is only working for making money then paying for their debt. It’s not worth to have a life like this.
My school is going to the end of this semester which almost kicked me out of its track from the very beginning. The series of unfortunate events gradually worsened my strength leading me fall down into my own grief for such a long period. Yet, it was lucky enough that I wake up at the margin of valley, saving my life out of a mud, but somehow I was like a sleep walker who wandered indirectly without any guide or map. I was careless to what was surrounding me regardless of how it was importance to my life. I did not pay any attention to what was going on and suddenly my heart, excluding its daily function that bumping and transferring my blood through out my body, got colder day by day until it was frozen completely.
My most important person in my life, also know as my hero, is my mother whom I have an unwritten obligation not only making her not be sad, but only helping her dream to come true. Her dream is not an extraordinary one like my friend expected her son becoming the President of United States, her dream is very simple, very normal that each mother in the world is likely to build up in their bodies waiting for the day it will be released. I adore her for not surrendering any obstacle that she faced in her way, for keeping on moving her life even thought it was not suitable and unfair for her, and for what she reared our brothers. Yes, she was a perfect woman in my life until the day when she stopped at the middle of a road to plan what she would like to do in her near future. Her decision was perfectly well-done but it accidental became an invisible wall to separate her and me, to break the line between a mother and a son, and worse of all, nearly destroy the intimation of us. She rejected for what I desired to do back in my hometown, she kept a certain distant when starting a conversation, and she somewhat was afraid of being only with me in either my room or hers. Only what remained was a mother love that how she loves, satisfies and helps me out of trouble but what I need longingly in her was a mother she used to be.
She was so over protected me that she was likely decided for me every decision that I planed to make. In her mind, I was still a kid but when I like to be a “kid” in her, she rejected which avoided every simple love body languages from me. When I was on the day to Vietnam, I wanted to hug her to say goodbye but I couldn’t. My mind was full of thought that it would be okay because she is my mom but my hands were not able to move. I looked at her, simply hoped she would do well and left. It brought back my memories when I was a trip to Ben Tre with my ba ngoai and my who-know-all-about-me cousin. I still remembered that day when she woke up early, asked me to bring for her a electric fan, gave me some money, and stood at the door waiting for my shadow merged into the air. It brought back my memory when she left me for her pursuit of knowledge and education asking me waited for her call; and how I missed her that every night I sat on the chair, looked through the window hoping she would come back.
Night after night, I kept every letter, read carefully and known by heart every word form her. I expected one day when I could reunite her again. Yes, that day came to real but unfortunately, we disappointed to each other. I was not a kind of person she expected and she was not my mother used to be. Nine years, almost a decade, except our relationship, time totally made us changed differently, including how we treated together. I don’t know it was time factor or just because we were both “growing up” that we could not image how person that could be?
I am getting headache with many questions in my mind trying to figure out the answers. The conflicts and struggles won’t be solved until the answers are found. What do I want is still unclear. Love, money, fortune, health, fame, family, or friend?
Sometimes, odd doesn’t mean difference!